Boy, did I think wrong. First off, I was the only single guy at the baby shower, missing the game! I had to be nice, so I brought a gift Donna helped me pick out and congratulated the mom-to-be. For you guys who have not been to a baby shower (it was my first time, too), trust me, MAKE ANY EXCUSE YOU CAN TO GET OUT OF IT! First off, the husbands were all acting like they'd been sent to Death Row. All the ladies are talking away, giving advice about baby stuff and birth. I mean where do they get all that information? Ok, on second thought, I would rather not know. I think I learned more about babies there than I ever wanted to know!

I had to slowly edge away from 'baby talk' to where the guys were hanging out in front of the TV in the den. I introduced myself to John, who was one of the dads there. I thought maybe he'd guide me through this whole thing - at least he's experienced. He came by, handed me a drink and laughed, "Who sucked you into this?" I was shocked. I had to brace myself and said, "Donna, she's a friend." "That's a lot of love, man," John said smiling wickedly. It was weird. I didn't know what to say so I asked, "Why are you guys standing? Why can't we sit and watch the game?"

"You never, ever sit in front of the TV! That's the first commandment at baby showers. They will cut your head off." Ok. That was very important to know. "If they ask, say you're going to the bathroom or getting a drink. Never, ever say you're watching the game," advised John. Maybe the information will be vital to my survival in the future, who knows. But thank goodness Donna came and got me, "Come on in guys, we're opening the gifts, now!" I won't bore you with the rest of the details. In fact it was all a long, boring, scary blur to me. I wanted to go home to my Tivo. That was something I was really looking forward to that day.